10 Important Lessons for Dad's to Teach Their Daughters

Having a daughter, love has taken on a new meaning in my life.  I look at my daughter and want her feel loved, to grow to be happy, healthy and treated right by the future man in her life if that is in her future.  I may not be a man but being a woman, a daughter, the mother of a daughter and a therapist I think I have a little insight into little girls and some of their needs.

I am fortunate enough to have grown up with a father who loved me.  I would think that most fathers say they love their daughters but how does this love translate in a little girl's life.  How do they know their daddy loves them?

Starting from a small age, daughters look up to their daddies and want nothing but love from them.  When little, many daughters will even say they want to grow up to marry their daddy because he is "the man". Daddies are the first experience of male love a daughter will ever have.

So how can you show your daughter that you love her?  Because love is more then a word, As DC Talk said in their old song, Love Is A Verb!

1.  Tell her you love her.

This may seem self explanatory but for some this can be very difficult.  Don't just assume that your daughter knows you love her.  She probably does even if you don't tell her but hearing the words confirms that you do love her.

2.  Teach her the true meaning of beauty.

Tell her that she is beautiful inside and out.  Tell her that her looks should never dictate how she feels about herself no matter what others say.  Be honest about the obstacles she will face as a young girl and woman expecting to look at certain way when the time is right.  Tell her that no matter what she looks like, it is her heart that matters and she has value not matter what people think of her.

3.  Spend time with her/Be available.

Take her on daddy daughter dates.  Show her that she is important to you even when your busy.  Make time, schedule your date into your calendar and show her she matters to you.  Even it it's a tea party in her room or a walk down around to block, make time for her.  If she is older or even still young, be available if she needs you.  Let her know you are always there for her.

4.  Listen to her.

Let her tell you all about her favorite things.  Even when you can't understand what she is talking about or can't follow the different story lines she tells you, just listen.  Be present, no phone, no computer; truly listen to her.

5.  Show her affection.

Hug your daughter.  Stroke her hair and let her sit on your lap.  Hold her hand when you are walking down the street and talking about her day.  People now a days can get so paranoid when it comes to touch.  Appropriate touch is okay and healthy. 

6.  Teach her how a man should treat her.

Show your daughter what it looks like for a man to treat her right.  Open doors for her.  Teach her that if she ever has to compromise her beliefs because a man wants her to that he is not worth it.  

7.  Teach her about true love.

Show your daughter what true love looks like.  Display real love with your wife for her to see.  Teach her that true love puts another's needs above their own.  Tell her that when she does not feel loved by a man, she is always loved by you and God.

8.  Teach her what a Man looks like.

Show her what respect for women looks like.  Show her what integrity, honesty, care, gentleness and strength are in a man.  Show her that a man can be loving, caring and strong without being a pushover or a bulldozer.  

9.  Teach her about strength.

Tell her that she is a strong person with all the personality qualities she has.  Teach her not to always look to others for all the answers but to seek them out herself.  Teach her to learn independence and the value of integrity and honesty.  Teach her that treating others with respect and standing up for others is a sign of strength. 

10.  Compliment her.

Tell her her when she does things well.  Encourage her strengths and gifts.  Be her cheerleader when she is working hard toward a goal.  Encourage her when she is working toward her goals.

As a woman I try and teach my daughter these same lessons but it is very different for a daughter to learn these things from their daddy.  

You may think that it's to late or that you have failed in certain areas.  It is never to late to begin to show your daughter the love that you already have for her.  Help her grow to a be the strong, passionate, caring, independent and loving woman that she is meant to be.

Thought for the day:  As a father, how can you be more purposeful in showing your daughter you love her?

    

Who/What Do You Depend On?

Currently being in a situation where I don't know what the outcome will be, I began to think about this question.  Who/what am I depending on right now.  We all have people or things that we depend on especially in difficult times.

We depend on:

Things:  We depend on our car to get us to and from work, the store and whatever appointments we have. We depend on our cell phone to store the information we need it to and to call and send texts when need be.  

Jobs:  We depend on our jobs to provide us the finances we need to pay our bills.

Money:  We depend on savings to get us though hard times or be available for retirement.  

People:  We depend on people especially those closest to us to be there when we need them.

As great as all of these things are, there is a problem.  The problem is that no matter what category you look at, they all can fail.   Some may even say that people provide the least amount of dependability.  I hope that has not been your experience.

The true is:  our car can break down, our cell phones can stop working (especially when we get them wet), there may be times when our money is depleted, and people will let us down.  Even those closest to us will not always be as dependable as we need because of the very fact that they are human beings who are not prefect.

So who/what can we depend on at all times?  The answer to this question is God.  You may or not believe this but I have found it to be true over and over again in my own life.

God is always dependable.   

You can always depend on his:

Love

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."  John 3:16

"For I am sure, that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor death, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38-39 

Provision

"Look at the birds of the air:  they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father [God] feeds them.  Are you not of more value then them?"  Matthew 6:26

Presence

"Keep your life free from money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave nor forsake you."  Hebrews 13:5

Purpose

"For I know that plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11  

Protection
"But the Lord is faithful, and will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one."  
2 Thessalonians 3:3 (Please don't misunderstand protection, it does not mean that nothing bad will ever happen to you.  Protection means that God will protect you from evil.  He will be your shield if you allow him to.)

I could quote several more verses from each category.  But that is all they would be, quotes.  Empty words without meaning behind them if there is no belief that they are true.  Some may be reading this and feel that these verses are just nice thoughts that were written in the Bible but hold no weight.  Others may know these things to be true of God but have not allowed them to infiltrate their heart.

While there are still others that have allowed the knowledge of these truths to take root in their hearts.  This has been my experience.  I believe that God is dependable even when life is uncertain, when things go wrong, when things seem unfair, when I don't understand why and when I feel there is nothing else I can do to go on.  

I made a choice to follow God and see if He really was going to be all the things He said He was in the Bible.  I wanted to see if God really would love me no matter what, if God would provide for me even in the most difficult times, if God would always be there for me, if God would fill me with purpose and if God really would protect me when I needed it.  

It started as a test, moved to an acknowledgement that yes, He was willing if I let him and metamorphosed into an ingrained part of who I am today.  Because I was willing to try out this God thing and discover who he really was, He was willing to show me.

Because I know I can depend on God I have:

Hope
I know am loved, always
I know I will always have what I need (don't confuse need with want)
I know I will never be alone
I have purpose
I know I will always be protected from evil 

Things of this world will always let us down, even people but God will never be anything other then who He says He is.  He will never do anything contrary to what the Bible says.  He is dependable, always.

Thought for the Day:  Who/what do you depend on?  How has that worked for you?  What is the harm in being open to the idea of God being the most dependable aspect of your life?  If you question the truth to any of this, test him and see what he shows you.       

Q&T: Questions Without Answers only Truth

We all come to a point in our lives when we question God.  Questions come in all different forms based on the situation we find ourselves in.  I know there have been many moments in my life when I questioned God's plan especially when it seemed to make no sense. 

At this moment in my life, I am in a place of transition and I asked, what are some of the major questions we ask God and more importantly what are the answers to these questions.  I found there are three major questions we ask.

Question 1:  When? 

When will it happen, when will my prayer be answered, when will I see a change, when will I know that God has changed things, when do I need to do what's asked of me?  There are a lot of when questions.  This question is about timing.

You may or may not have heard this verse before but it gives a little perspective, "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day."  2 Peter 3:8.  

The problem isn't whether or not God will work in our lives in the different areas we are searching for answers, because He will.  The problem is that we forget that God's timing is not ours.  As cliché as this may sound its true.  Sometimes God does answer the when question and give us a timeline for things but many times He does not.  When He doesn't give us the answer to when there is a truth to remember.  

Truth:  God's timing is not our timing.  Be patient in waiting for His even when its difficult is whats important.

Question 2:  How?

How is it going to happen, how can God do this, how will God answer, how is this possible, how can he work out this situation?  The when question can be frustrating but the how question goes a little deeper.  This question is about provision.

Two verses come to mind when I think about this question.  Matthew 6:26 says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"  And Jeremiah 29:11 says,  "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  

God has an amazing plan for each of our lives.  Worrying about how, will do nothing but cause problems for ourselves.   Many times we wont see how until it is accomplished.  When it feels as though we will never know how, there is a truth to remember.

Truth:  God is big enough to do anything.  He loves and cares about us enough to be engaged.  Trusting him to provide as he promised in His word is whats important. 

Question 3:  Why?

Why did this happen, why didn't God stop it, why did God let it?  The list of why's could go on and on and on.  I think this is one of the most difficult questions we can ask God.  This question is often linked to very serious and personal matters.  When you dig deeper, many times this question is about God's sovereignty.

Theopedia.com describes God's sovereignty this way:
"The Sovereignty of God is the biblical teaching that all things are under God's rule and control, and that nothing happens without His direction or permission. God works not just some things but all things according to the counsel of His own will (see Eph. 1:11). His purposes are all-inclusive and never thwarted (see Isa. 46:11); nothing takes Him by surprise. The sovereignty of God is not merely that God has the power and right to govern all things, but that He does so, always and without exception." 

This is a difficult subject to wrap my head around.  Ultimately what this means is that God is God, he has a plan that I may never understand it.  Things are going to happen that I don't get, don't like and don't agree with.  God may choose to give me the answer to my why question but when he doesn't there is a truth to remember.

Truth:  When I don't know why, I can know that God is in control; He is good, He loves me and He wants to best for me even when it doesn't look that way. 
 
Questioning God is the easy part.  Getting the answers is what's hard.  I'm sure many of us have experienced silence when asking God one of these three questions.  The great thing is that God cares for us enough that He gave us his word with truths to fall back on when there is no answer.

At the end of the day the truth of it all is:  God's timing is not our timing, He loves and cares for us enough to provide all that we need.  He is God and deserves all the glory, his plan is all that matters even when we don't understand.  This may be hard to swallow at times but is also reassuring in the sense that God is consistent in who He says He is and what He says He will do.
  
Thought for the Day:  Am I willing to remember truth and trust who God says he is?   Am I willing to lean on the promises that He has left for me through His Word even when I am unable to get all the answers I want from Him?

Grace

"For I am the least of the apostles ad do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.  But by the grace of God, I am what I am."

1 Corinthians 15:9-10

I think we have all been in Paul's shoes at one time or another.  Of course not that of being an apostle, but having that sinking feeling that you are not enough.  Identifying with a feeling of inadequacy.  Paul had to ask, "how can you use someone like me?  Why would you choose me?"

Paul had done horrible things in his lifetime.  He had actually killed God's own people.  Thats intense.  He questioned how it could be possible that he could be used by God but was also sure of the answer.  Grace.  God showed a murderous man Grace.  This grace allowed Paul to be who he was truly meant to be.

God's grace is free for us all.  It can free us to be who we are truly meant to be.  The question is will we accept it?

It doesnt matter your past
It doesnt matter what you have done
It doesnt matter what you havent done
It doesnt matter who you were
It doesnt matter who you are

There is nothing you can do that will lock you out of God's grace.  You cant earn it and you cant loose it.  God will always offer his grace, it is our choice to accept it.  Feel ashamed about receiving it, no; be amazed, yes.  God can do wondrous things though us when we are willing to accept his grace and allow it to work in and through us.

Thought for the day:  Will I choose God's grace and look to the future, or will I stay ashamed of my past?

New Take on Love

"And now the most excellent way.  If I speak in tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have a gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but I have not love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I am nothing.  Love is patient, love it kind.  It does not envy, it doest not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps not records of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always hopes, always preservers.  Love never fails."  

1 Corinthians 13:1-8

This is a verse, most of us have heard before, especially if you have ever been to a weeding.  I have read this verse many times.  A lot of times I check out a little during all the descriptors.  But this time as I read this verse through the eyes of 1 John verse 1:8 "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."  My eyes were opened to what this verse was not just stating about love but what it was stating about God.  

Now it read something like this:
God is patient
God is kind
God does not envy
God does not boast
God isn't proud
God is not rude
God is not self-seeking
God is not easily angered
God does not keep records of wrong
God does not delight in evil
God rejoices with truth
God always protects
God always hopes
God always preservers
God never fails

It is easy to forget who God is.  If you ever need a reminder of who he just remember love...remember descriptors of love are descriptors of God.  

Thought for the Day:  What descriptor do I need to remember about God at this time in my life?  

Feelin Good

Encouragement, a positive impact we can have on others.  Ever have one of those really horrible days and someone says something uplifting or encouraging and you start to feel a little better.  Its amazing the impact a persons positive words can have on another.  We have the ability to literally change someones day for the better when we choose to be encouraging.

Receiving encouragement feels good.  It can put us in a better mood and just make our day a little brighter.  Even the smallest bit of encouragement can bring a smile to our face.

Giving encouragement feels just as good.  When we think something positive or nice about someone else we should tell them.  When we are paying attention, we notice other people and what they are doing.  We may never realize the impact we could have on a person by sharing something as simple as, "you did a great job on that project."  Keeping nice thoughts to ourselves does nothing for the person, saying it to them might.

So how can we be more encouraging?  Its really easy...

Say It:  Tell others the positive things you see in them or share some of the attributes you appreciate about them.  Dont wait on it, pick up the phone and actually talk to the person.  They may be shocked you called.

Write It:  The most popular ways to communicate today; if you dont have a ton of time send a quick text or email with some encouraging words.  Even saying, "I hope you have a nice day" or "I was thinking about you" is encouraging.  Better yet hand write a note for another person.  Talk about feelin good.  When someone takes the time to sit and write you a hand written note, you cant help but feeling cared about.  Hand written notes truly show effort.

Get creative maybe there are other ways you can encourage others.  Saying it and writing it are easy.  We all want to feel good, being encouraging is an act we can take to do our part.  We just have to take the time to do it.    

Question for the Day:  How can I be more of an encouragement to those around me?

3 Ways to Disconnect in Order to Connect

Oh the smart phone!  How did we ever live without these things?  Its hard to remember 10 years ago before the smart phone was around.  I remember actually having to print out maps before going somewhere or having to wait till I got home and on the internet to answer that burning question, "whats that name of that actor in that movie."

If you note sarcasm in my tone, you weren't off base.  I have to admit I love my smart phone but there comes a point when its just to much.  Sometimes its seems that I can even survive without it.  How many of us cant go anywhere without our phone?  I know that's the way I feel.  There are so many benefits to having information right at our fingertips and being able to access information so quickly.  The problem with having any information we want at any moment is that our phone becomes almost an obsession and has lead to a different dynamic in our relationships.

Some of you may have heard this idea before or even thought it yourself, that fact that relationships can be effected by our phones.  Or on the other hand you may think your phone has no negative impact on your life and relationships.  I just know that I am guilty of being on my phone to much and even rely on it to keep me occupied much of the time.  This is even true when I am with other people, including family and friends.

The fact is no matter how old you are, phones have become a way of life.  Jeff and I went to breakfast the other day and this was what we saw at the table next to us.  Look familiar?  No conversation, just heads down immersed in their phones.  I say a similar scene a few months ago at a restaurant.  There was a mom with her young son sitting across form her in the booth.  He was eating his food and she was staring down at her phone not even acknowledging him.  Sadly I have to say I have been guilty of the same behavior.  

I'm not saying smart phones are evil but I do think it is important for us to recognize the impact they have on our lives and the relationships around us.  I know this is especially true with my children.  I need to disconnect more often to be able to connect more fully with my kids and those around me.  Who likes talking to someone who is distracted by texting or looking at their phone.  I know I don't.

So here are some ideas on how to be more fully engage in the relationships around us.

1.  Schedule It:  Schedule specific times you will be on your phone.  For parents is may be that you choose not to be on your phone when you pick your kids up from school or are helping with homework.  It may be at dinner or at a certain time at night the phones go off or are out of sight.  Make a schedule with others in the home so you can better connect with your family.

2.  Time It:  If you spend to much time on the phone put a time limit on it.  Many of us can use our phones instead of computers and can spend just as much time on either.  If this is a problem for you and is cutting into relationships, allow yourself a certain amount of time.  You can even put a reminder in your phone or use the timer on your phone.  

3.  Forget It:  This may be the most difficult idea to implement.  I mean how are people going to get a hold of you if you don't have your phone?  What happens if you miss an important text?  What if you cant get the information you need right that second?  The answer is, the world will continue and you will be alright.  Sometimes its just to much of a temptation of have my phone with me so I will choose to leave it at home.  Especially when going out to dinner with the family or going to a friends house.  This forces conversation and interaction with those around you.  

Everything in moderation right?  I love my phone but just know that there needs to be a change.  I don't what to be the person who's nose is stuck in their phone.  Relationships are to important.  If we can disconnect with technology now and then I think we will learn a new way to connect with others....the way we used to.

        

Thought for the Day:  Which one of these three ideas could I use to help me more fully engage with those around me?